Breaking the Cycle
by Rizu Neko-Chan
Summary: "Ever want to do something less than perfect, just to break the cycle?" MasayaxRetasu, for TrueColors' Christmas Challenge: "Literary Kryptonite"


It was an unpleasant feeling, really-this feeling Retasu had when she saw him. It was a feeling she had gradually become aware of after many days of his appearance in the café she worked in. He didn't come because of Retasu. He came because of Ichigo. Retasu had to keep reminding herself of that-the fact that someone such as he wouldn't even consider taking a second glance at someone like her. After all, Ichigo was a hop and a skip from perfect. Retasu was miles and miles away. Retasu chose not to dwell on the fact too much. She went about everyday life as usual. At the end of the working day, Masaya Aoyama would walk in the door and whisk Ichigo off with him, Retasu watching out of the corner of her eye. She wished so desperately that she was Ichigo Momomiya. She and Ichigo were best friends, and Retasu held no resentment towards Ichigo, only a fervent jealousy she buried under piles of love towards her friend.

But occasionally Retasu found herself wondering: What's wrong with me that I don't have a boyfriend like Ichigo does? What did I do wrong? The jealousy in Retasu began to morph and grow into something stronger. It warped into a monster, a raging fire that swept through Retasu like water from a burst dam. Suddenly, a single thought grew into a riot. _Aren't I good enough?_

This fire sparked something in Retasu that she had never felt before. She felt motivated in a sense, but in the wrong direction. She bore a stranger of a smile and a pricking mischievousness that poked and jabbed at her all day. Something had changed in her. Retasu accepted this change through the back door, without really accepting that she had changed at all. She liked to think of her revelation as something she had known all along, but recently chose to embrace. In her conscious mind, she was the same Retasu, just more accepting of her own feelings-her newfound feelings of pride and contempt. She welcomed these feelings because, to her, it meant she was gaining confidence in herself. Sadly, she was mistaken.

Retasu was a smart girl. She easily devised a plan to feed her new "self-confidence". Her new plan involved winning the object of her affection, rightly hers in the first place. After all, wasn't she good enough? To her, Masaya was her right and her key to accepting that she was just as good of a girl as Ichigo.

She started off small one Sunday morning when Masaya was visiting Ichigo. He did this routinely every Sunday. After many Sundays, Retasu already had the knowledge in her head of when Masaya usually came and what he liked to order. He usually came at about half past nine, give or take a few minutes. He'd sit down at an empty table on the far end of the café and would be served exclusively by Ichigo. His order was a blackberry torte, and after he was finished with that, he ordered chamomile tea. Retasu simply knew these things through casual listening. Not eavesdropping, of course, just overhearing.

So, this one particular morning, Retasu had a whole plan ready. She had dropped hints to Shirogane that the rags needed cleaning, and Ichigo was the only open worker at that time. Ichigo was nowhere in sight when Masaya came in. As soon as he came, Retasu was ready to go.

"Welcome to Café Mew Mew, Aoyama-san!" Retasu said in a chipper voice she had practiced for the occasion. "Ichigo is a little busy right now, so I'll be seating you." Masaya smiled amiably and nodded at Retasu, a memory she immediately took in and locked in her heart. She smiled back and led Aoyama to his usual table. Once he had taken a seat, Retasu didn't offer him a menu like he had expected.

"So it's the blackberry torte, I assume?" Retasu said casually, taking down the order on her notepad. Masaya looked surprised. He hesitated a moment.

"I…yes, that's the one. Thank you." Retasu giggled and flashed Masaya a shy smile before she swept off towards the kitchen. She tripped a little over the leg of a chair along the way. Her face was hot and she smiled in delight. Was that a look of _admiration_ he had when she knew his order by heart? She giggled at the thought. Then Ichigo came out of the back room, and her face lit up when she saw Masaya sitting there. Retasu ignored her. To her, that single minute with Masaya was all that mattered.

After that, during the week, Retasu tried to catch Masaya's eye when he came to pick Ichigo up from work. Occasionally she'd catch his eye and they'd have eye contact. Retasu would smile and go back to whatever she was doing. Her goal? To make him curious. The more curious he was, the more he thought about her. And the more he thought about her the better.

While Retasu was going through her emotional escapade, she often thought: what about Ichigo? If this all works, isn't she going to suffer? Retasu didn't care to think on this topic. She often concluded with the simple answer of "Yes. And Ichigo is so perfect that she could easily find another boy, whereas I should have the right to this one boy she doesn't really need anyway." Retasu's ideas scared her sometimes, and that was why she didn't like thinking about Ichigo while she was conducting her plan. Her friend was pushed to the backburner.

Another Sunday came. At about 9:25, Retasu found Ichigo in the kitchen, arguing with Shirogane about her salary again. Retasu interrepted with a meek, "Um…"

Both heads turned to Retasu. She tapped her fingers together and stared at her feet.

"What's wrong, Retasu?" Ichigo asked. Retasu shuffled her feet a bit.

"Well, um…this is really embarrassing but…there's this cat…" She drew out her story as long as she could. "Well I tried to take out the garbage but it…um…well it kinda started hissing and stuff and…"

"You want me to take care of it?" Ichigo said.

"Well, I guess cats are kinda sorta your…um, specialty?" Retasu answered. She bowed in apology. "I really hate to be a bother!"

"Oh, no, it's fine!" Ichigo insisted, waving her hands to and fro. "Just the back garbage, right?" Retasu straightened from her bow. It was 9:27. Masaya was due any minute.

"I…uh…yes," she said. "I'm so sorry about the inconvenience!"

"No worries," Ichigo said with the wave of a hand. She shot one last glare at Shirogane before she walked out of the kitchen in a march. Shirogane sighed.

"That girl…" he muttered. Retasu giggled and left the kitchen. Just as she entered the main seating area, the door opened and Masaya walked in. Retasu was there in an instant.

"Welcome again, Aoyama-san," Retasu greeted with a smile. "I'm sorry, but Ichigo is busy. She asked me to pass on the message that she's doing something important and needs you to wait a bit. I'll be starting you off once again." Masaya nodded, his smile tainted with a small hint of perplexity. Retasu led him to his usual table and wrote down his usual order on her notepad.

"I'll get your usual for you right away," she said cheerfully. She turned to leave, but Masaya stopped her.

"Hold on," he said. Retasu stopped and turned around, holding a curious face.

"Yes?" she asked.

"I hate to be rude, but I'm just curious," Masaya said slowly. "How do you know my usual order?"

Retasu was prepared for this question. Her face lit up with her practiced smile and she said, "Well, I've overheard you ordering it so many times that I remember it, and the blackberry torte has always been one of my favorites. The soury-sweetness is delightful."

"That's precisely why I order it so often," Masaya remarked in amusement. In reality, Retasu had overheard Masaya explaining why he liked the blackberry torte to Ichigo once. She had burned his explanation into her mind, and now she was simply parroting it back to him.

"Plus it leaves my lips a funny color of purple," Retasu said cheerfully and giggled. Masaya grinned a genuine smile at Retasu. She struggled to contain her joy. "I'll be out with your torte in a moment if Ichigo isn't back by then."

Retasu was on a roll. She sure wasn't going to let Ichigo come back now. She pulled Purin aside once she found her and asked her sweetly, "Purin, Ichigo is outside right now looking for a cat I'm terribly scared of…could you tell her I saw it out the window facing the west?" Purin nodded, saluting Retasu.

"I'm on it, na no da!" she chirped, and sped off in the direction of the back door. Retasu figured that would buy her a few more minutes. She found to her delight that Keiichiro had a blackberry torte pre-made for Masaya since he always ordered one on Sundays. She picked up this plate and brought it back to the table.

"I had no idea Keiichiro makes one of these ahead of time for you," Retasu said with genuine amusement. Masaya seemed to know this already.

"Yes, Ichigo always brings the torte right out," he said. "Actually, I think I'd like a cup of coffee with this…a dash of sugar and a little crème, please?"

Retasu nodded. "Right away." She walked off towards the kitchen. Coffee? Masaya never ordered coffee. Fortunately, the café always kept coffee heated and ready, so Retasu easily filled a mug and took the greatest pains to create a perfect cup with not too much sugar or crème. Once she convinced herself she had the right mixture, she brought it out to Masaya and set it on the table.

"I hope it's alright," Retasu said, twiddling her fingers. "I'm not the best at coffee…" Masaya took a delicate sip. His face lit up warmly.

"Mmm…" he murmured. "This is delicious! Thank you. You're too modest; you're very good at making coffee." Retasu visibly blushed. She smiled wide and bashfully.

"Oh, um…tha-thank you!" she stuttered, trying to keep a hold on her speech. "I try my best."

"Ichigo tells me about you," Masaya said, trying to keep the conversation going. He sipped his coffee while Retasu held her breath. "She says you're quite the overachiever…tries her best at everything, no matter what it is…especially with your coffee, apparently." Retasu giggled at Masasya's little joke. Masaya smiled into his coffee as he took another drink.

"I'm the same way," he said, a little more serious this time. "I always do my best at everything, whether it's schoolwork, kendo, or my social life. It gets a little tiring sometimes, huh?" He smiled half-heartedly at Retasu, who had taken a seat across from him while he was talking. She nodded, the corner of her mouth turned up.

"Yes, I know what you mean," she said. "Can I say something a little strange?"

"Of course," Masaya said genially.

"Ever want to do something less than perfect, just to break the cycle?" Retasu said in one rush of courage. Masaya looked contemplative, swirling his coffee in his mug and looking into it with a queer expression. Retasu worried she had said something wrong.

"Actually…" he said slowly. "Yes. I know exactly what you mean," he said with a slow nod. "It's strange, isn't it? The way one's mind works? While most of the world is worrying about being perfect, perfectionists like us want to take a dive into the imperfect world."

"Not that we're perfect, of course," Retasu interjected. She was finding that everything Masaya said she could effortlessly relate to.

"Of course," Masaya agreed with a nod. "But for those who try to achieve perfection, perfection starts to seem…tainted? Not worth it?"

"Flawed?" Retasu offered.

"That's the word," Masaya said.

"Perfectionism is more of a habit for me now," Retasu remarked. "But a perfect person wouldn't be a very exciting person, wouldn't he?"

Just then, the rush of feet behind Retasu came on her suddenly and Ichigo was behind her, panting.

"Retasu! That was the most difficult cat to catch! It ran all over the place and wouldn't listen-" Ichigo stopped herself from saying "listen to me when I tried to talk to it", and instead said, "…listen when I called it!" Retasu was taken aback for a moment. She hadn't expected an actual cat to be behind the café. She thought Ichigo would be trying to find an imaginary cat the whole time.

"I'm sorry about the trouble," Retasu said, rising from her chair. "It's kept you from M-Aoyama-san."

"Oh, it's no problem," Ichigo said. Retasu turned to Masaya and bowed.

"It's been a pleasure speaking with you," she said.

"Likewise," Masaya said with a smile. Retasu blushed and scurried off.

Everything was going according to plan.

Weeks passed. During those weeks, Retasu would place carefully planned obstacles in Ichigo's way of meeting Masaya on time. In those few minutes, Retasu would make small talk with Masaya and speak about different aspects of each other's life. After the first two or three weeks of talking, they were quite friendly with each other. It was just as Retasu had wished, and Ichigo suspected nothing. Retasu kept this up for about a month before, one Sunday when Ichigo was on time to serve Masaya, she returned back to the kitchen looking for Retasu.

"Retasu?" Ichigo asked. Retasu, who was having lessons from Keiichiro on how to make frosting, looked over her shoulder to Ichigo.

"Yes, Ichigo?" she asked.

"Masaya wants to talk to you," Ichigo said, looking a bit uncomfortable. Retasu smiled and wiped her hands on a towel. She excused herself to Keiichiro and went to Masaya's table without Ichigo escorting her. Ichigo hung back by Keiichiro, her antsy nature evident through her hunched shoulders and sharp eyes.

Once Retasu was at Masaya's table, she greeted him with a simple "Hi" and sat down in the chair across from him. Masaya smiled and said "Hi" back.

"How was the semi-finals for kendo?" Retasu asked.

"Fantastic!" Masaya said. "I made it through to the school finals!"

"Congratulations!" Retasu exclaimed. "That's great!"

"Thank you," Masaya said. "It was pretty tough, but I'm having a pretty good season." Retasu smiled.

"Good to hear."

"Hey, so…" Masaya started, "I was wondering if you wanted help with that chemistry test you were talking about yesterday. I just got my test back today and I got a decent score…I know you attend a different school, but maybe I can help."

"I would love that!" Retasu gushed. "Thank you very much!"

"Don't thank me yet," Masaya said with a laugh.

"Well whatever you can teach me I'll be happy to learn," Retasu said. "Chemistry is my worst class right now."

"So, do you want to come over to my house sometime tomorrow afternoon? 5, maybe?"

"Sounds good!" Retasu chirped, smiling cheerfully. Ichigo, sensing that the conversation was coming to a close, returned to the table.

"So, what have you guys been talking about?" Ichigo asked with a smile, failing to hide her nervousness that was so blatant it could be pointed out by a three-year-old.

"Breaking the cycle," Masaya said under his breath. Retasu heard him. Her eyes widened.

"_Ever want to do something less than perfect, just to break the cycle?"_

"What?" Ichigo said.

"Chemistry stuff," Masaya said with a wave of his hand. "I'm going to help Retasu with her chemistry. She has a big test coming."

"Oh! Alright," Ichigo said, as if Masaya needed her approval. Everything Ichigo said translated to something bitter in Retasu's mind. She no longer saw Ichigo as a real, true friend-but a competitor.

"_Breaking the cycle"_, Retasu thought, smirking. This new Retasu was different from the Retasu she was a month ago. This Retasu had her eyes on the prize and her heart in a different place. This Retasu had more self-esteem, but she cared less of the world around her as long as she got what she wanted. And it was all because she wanted a single boy, a single boy who was still unaware of what he had done to break her.

_I win.

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_

{{A.N./ Whew! That was some speed-writing right there! Editing, writing, and everything taken into consideration, that's probably one of the hardest, fastest...oh man, this is sounding really bad. Haha, well this was probably one of the quickest oneshots I've done that's been decently edited. This was really tough to write...I had to mull over my prompt for a while before I could come up with any inspiration. Retasu's change wasn't the most difficult part; it was Masaya's change that really got me. I knew when True gave me my prompt I was going to have difficulties with Masaya, but I managed. All in all, this was probably one of the hardest pairings for me to get together because they both have to be completely OOC for them to get together. So...how did I do?}}


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